TWO YEARS CATCH-UP TO THE DAY. 5TH DECEMBER, 2013.

HELLO AGAIN...

Two years ago to the very day I posted my last blog.

I could not believe my eyes when I saw the date, 5th December, 2010.  I had been meaning to restart blogging and to have selected the very day after two years seemed serendipity!

I suppose a lot has happened in the last two years but I really cannot remember anything terribly important.   We carry on our wonderful lives on a Tuscan olive farm together with my ponies, doves, fish, chickens, etc., AC flies back and forth to London to work and oversee the complete renovation of our flat, and I eat and get fat in blissful ignorance of any problems in the outside world.   (Not quite true).

Long may it last!   I won't be getting fatter (I hope), having found a personal fitness trainer and the gym is finally paying for itself.   Lucia, a perfectly wonderful young lady with the flatest stomach I have ever met, comes to torture Susie Russell and myself twice a week.   Which reminds me, I must share this:

EMAIL FROM ELIZABETH TAYLOR:  (Not that one, this one is far prettier).


My wife bought me a week with a personal trainer at the local , very chic,  gym for my 40th birthday, so I thought I would share my diary for the week with you. My personal trainer is apparently a 26 year old aerobics instructor called Vanessa who models swimwear.

Monday

My day starts at 6 a.m.  and it’s hard to get going but everything changes when I get to the gym to find Vanessa waiting for me.
She looks like a Greek goddess, tall, blonde, blue eyes, incredible breasts and a big smile from amazingly full lips.
Vanessa shows me around the different machines and takes my pulse after five minutes on the static bike.
She is slightly alarmed at my pulse rate but I am sure it is entirely due to the way her lycra pants nestle between her buttocks!  I really enjoyed watching her give her aerobic class after finishing my inspirational day of exercise. Vanessa really motivated me by watching me do my abs even though my stomach hurts from pulling it in (my stomach) every time she walked past.

Tuesday

A strong coffee and off to the gym.

Vanessa makes me lift quite a heavy bar and then she even goes as far as to hang weights onto it.
My legs are a bit weakened by the treadmill but I manage to walk a whole kilometre!!!!  Vanessa’s approving smile and the conspiratorial wink made everything worthwhile.
I feel amazing…this is my new life!

Wednesday
The only way I can  wash my teeth is by putting my toothbrush on the side of the sink and moving my head from side to side on top of it.
I think I have herniated my pectorals.
Driving is not easy, just braking and turning the steering wheel is so painful that even my hair aches. I park on top of a motorbike.
Vanessa is a bit impatient with me.  She says my howls  are bothering  other members of the club.
In all truth, her voice is a bit screechy at this time of the morning. When she shouts she’s  bit nasal and v irritating.
 I cannot run on the treadmill  because my balls hurt so much so Vanessa makes me do steps instead and now my arse hurts too
She tells me she will help me get into shape and enjoy my life…another of her f’ing stupid promises.
Thursday

 Vanessa’s waiting for me with her vampire teeth and “joker” smile. I arrive half an hour late because that’s how long it took me to put my shoes on.
The bloody bitch makes me work on the rings but when she’s not looking I escape to hide in the men’s room.
She sends another trainer to find me and as a punishment I am put on a rowing machine…where of course I collapse.

Friday
I hate that f’ing bitch Vanessa more than anyone else I have ever hated on this planet.
Stupid anorexic, anemic , brainless bimbo.
If there was any part of my body which I could move without unbelievably awful pain, I would break every bone in her body…bloody cow!
She goes and tells me to move my Ticeps…”BUT I DON’T HAVE FUCKING TRICEPS”
Anyway if she doesn’t want me to collapse on the floor  she shouldn’t pass me  f’ing bars or anything else that weighs more than a sheet of paper.
I faint on the bicycle and wake up on a stretcher in the nutritionist’s office. A skinny ugly bitch who gives me the third degree on healthy eating…
So obvious that this cretin has not a single idea as to what it means to die of hunger…  Why couldn’t I have been left with a dress designer or a hair stylist?

Saturday
 She who cannot be named, leaves a message on my voice mail with her repugnant little voice asking why I haven’t gone to the gym.

Just listening to her makes me want to throw the phone at the wall but I haven’t  got enough energy to lift neither it nor the television remote which means I have been stuck here for the last 11 hours watching the f’ing National Geographic channel.

Sunday

Today I go to church to thank God that the week is over.  I kneel down and of course am unable to get up so I take the opportunity to beg  God to ensure that next year my wife gives me something really enjoyable for a present…a prostate transplant, colonoscope, catheterism, endodontia…whatever!






NOW YOU KNOW HOW I AM FEELING.


The summer was hotter than Hell after a terrible, wet spring and we have just experienced a long, warm, beautiful autumn which was recently punctuated by a mini cyclone.   Proof that it was windy....

Our pergola has been flattened!!!

Five minutes earlier I was inside rescuing the chairs and felt a chill creep over me as I imagined what could happen if the whole thing came down.   I walked into the kitchen and one hell of a gust picked the whole thing up and threw it into the field.   Looking at the stantions I found that they had only been buried into the earth by about two inches.   Bloody builders.   If you don't stand over them here they take the quickest and cheapest way out of a situation, but I suppose that is true the world over.

Today one would not know we had had any weather problems except that a few trees have been uprooted and piles of late foliage lie everywhere.   The lake is full of branches and the pigeons are just out of their loft after a week of winds they couldn't battle.   The sun is shining and there is not a breath of air.   Dashed cold though.   Still patches of white frost where the sun has yet not reached.

I went up to see the ponies to give them some of the grapes which were still mouldering on the vine and to check on their water for ice and they greeted me like a long lost friend as they could not drink from a frozen trough.

Several of us are nursing a hangover this morning as we went up to Cortona for dinner.   Christy and David Williams had invited me for dinner alone as AC was back in London.   Rowan Russell joined us and we went to dinner at the newly revamped Cory's.   On arriving we were told it was a "Magic
Evening"

They were right.   I will never forget it as long as I live.   Here are some images...



.

She reminded me of a magician we used to employ at the St. James's Club in London back in the 80's who was an ex-truckdriver who was a fella!   I think that is why I am looking at her skirt so closely!!!!

Anyway if anyone gets a chance to go to one of their evenings, for God's sake go.   You will never forget it.   Amazing tricks.

Today I wish I hadn't enjoyed myself so much and if David Williams is reading this, please do not let me order one of your Negronis EVER AGAIN!   Followed by white, red, Oh yes and a prosecco and apple liqueur to welcome us to the restaurant.

Serves me right but I did enjoy myself.    Which reminds me, it's lunch time and maybe a glass of red would make me feel better!!

HEY JUDE!

On 15th July, 2010 unto James and Lisa a little boy was born!

Not so little. Over nine pounds and already into clothes fit for a one year old at four months!

He is the apple of everyone's eye and even Aziz is slightly charmed I think.

Can't wait to get him on horseback. Must get myself together and get Knickers broken in time for his first ride.

TRIP TO FIRENZE. (BRONZINO EXHIBITION)

I am on my own for the first time at the farm AC having just returned to London and the snow. Gatwick airport has been closed for the past two days and England is struggling amidst the chaos caused by a very early icy blast from the North Pole!

Even Cornwall is covered in a couple of feet of snow and it seems all the schools have been closed for a week now.

In Italy we have had rain but only a dusting of snow high on the hills.



AC and I flew back to Italy from London together and stayed in Florence for a couple of nights for the first time since we bought the farm. Roger Jupe had told us about a wonderful exhibition of Bronzino paintings at Fondazione Palazzo Strozzi and suggested we stay at The Loggia Senite, Piaza SS Annunciata. Loved the exhibition, not too mad about the hotel!



We had just seen the Gauguin exhibition in London at Tate Modern which I had not enjoyed one bit, but Bronzino knocked my socks off! Full of surprises including a painting of a dwarf almost full-size, nude except for a fig leaf from the front and painted again from the back or behind. Very strange. He had a owl on one shoulder and a jay on the other.

I must read the book we bought about the exhibition to discover who this chap was and why he keeps the company of these two particular birds.

Saw Piero and Maria Anna Beldonni-Boni in Firenze. They have a flat just around the corner from the hotel and they took us to two wonderful meals. The first restaurant is just near to the station and typically Tuscan. No frills but fantastic food. Will find the card and put in the info for anyone interested.

Found it:

Trattoria Sostanza Troia s.a.s.
Via del Porcellana, 25r
50123. Firenze
Tel. 055. 212691.

The second was lunch at Bella Donne, (sounds poisonous), close to the exhibition and the Arno. Doubt if I could find it again but will try.

We walked our feet off and AC saw Michelangelo's David for the first time in the Accademia. Funnily enough the Accademia turned out to be directly behind our hotel and that we could see it from our bedroom window! I had been trying for an hour to find it on our tiny map of Florence, and there it was all the time within touching distance.



Aziz came up to me laughing as we mingled with the crowds gazing up at David. He whispered that he had heard two Americans asking what David was holding in his left hand and slung over his shoulder. Well, I didn't know either. It just looked like a piece of material and I had never given it a second thought.

Of course, AC being that much more intelligent than me said, "Well, it is the sling he used to throw the stone that killed Goliath!"

Oh, it's that David, is it!!!!!

We walked around the seven days a week market and over the Ponte Vecchio. Fabulous jewelery at fabulous prices!



Finally saw inside the Duomo as well. Quite a let down compared to the majesty of the outside. One enormous empty space with the builders in! AC suggested we climb to the top and look out over the city. I hate heights so suggested I meet him afterwards in the bar next door.

I took pictures of the amazing frescoed dome, AC took photographs of the builder's paraphanelia in one corner. I asked him why and he said he thought it was a more interesting photograph!!!!



Had a drink in a little bar opposite and talked to a charming man from Rome who had come up for the day on his own. He designed IT sites and came from somewhere in the Caribbean.

Suddenly a posse of Chinese arrived in my eyeline in front of the bar with the Duomo behind. I took their picture and then they all took mine. Then one by one they came into the bar to have their picture taken with us. Lots of laughter and they were insistent that we knew they came from China.



Where else would they have come from looking like that?!!!

Charming.

Took some pictures which I will post later.

GAUGUIN AND SUNFLOWER SEEDS AT THE TATE

AC and I had our first day 'together' in London today and chose to spend it on a trip down Father Thames to Tate Modern to see the Gauguin exhibition, and something that moved me far more, the Sunflower Seeds.

Here are some photographs just to jog our memories in years to come.

I am going to use my blog more as a diary for Little Jude than saying anything of earth-shattering importance!

Tate Modern is such a stark and imposing building that one is immediately put in the mind-set to enjoy whatever they throw at you.

Well, not Gauguin for me. We both took one of those audio machines for explanation but I had to agree with a lady who was leaving the final room who said that if she hadn't had to fight to understand where she was and what the machine was telling her then she might have enjoyed the pictures more.

I did have a fight with the machine but more of a disagreement with Gaughin. I just think he was mad and that Van Gogh and he should have cut each others' ears off, smacked each other over the head with their respective chairs, caught syphillus and died much sooner than they did.

Dreary, dark, brooding, badly painted pictures of dark ladies and even worse pictures of horses carrying him off across the river to oblivion.

Loved his ceramics! Has anyone ever heard of Gauguin's ceramics? They are mad but brilliant.

Bit like the Sunflower Seeds.

Mr. Wei Wei Whatever, made twenty thousand million single ceramic sunflower seeds, employed a whole town of thousands to work on this one work of art, shipped them to London to be laid as a carpet for people to walk on and make patterns, pick them up in handfuls, suck them, put them in their pockets as a lasting memory of his art-piece, and guess what?

Health and Safety has forbidden anyone to go near them because of the danger of dust!!!!!!!!

Poor Mr. Wei Wei. Buggered by beurocracy! Still a strangely moving mountain of Chinese porcelaine.

THE WONKY BRIDGE WITH ST. PAUL'S IN THE BACKGROUND SEEN FROM THE TOP FLOOR RESTAURANT AT TATE MODERN

PAT WILL BE MISSED

PAT WITH THREE FRIENDS IN TUSCANY

A sad visit to London to attend our friend Pat Amy Tudor's Memorial service at Chelsea Old Church. 17th March 1942 - 10th July 2010. Wednesday, 10th November, 2010.

After days of rain the sun came out and we were treated to the most beautiful weather for Pat's farewell. Lunched with Gina and Tommy Sopwith at Frantoio and then sobbed throughout a beautiful service.

I think singing All Things Bright and Beautiful and looking at photographs in the service sheet of Pat suddenly brought home how close we all are to death. Tears welled and after running down my cheeks, dripped off my chin. I had to summon every fibre of my body not to climb over the back of my pew and escape such emotion.

An old friend of Pats' and pianist John Lill played Chopin's Nocturne in C Minor, Op 48/1 and Alexander Scriabin's Study in D Sharp Minor Op 8/12 and a wonderful young man Roberto Abate, sang Franz Schubert's Ave Maria which brought the house down!

Met up with a lot of our old, (and I mean old!), friends at the reception following the service and caught up with Pat's sister Barbara and brother in law, Jim Higgins. They had both spoken tributes during the ceremony in memory of Pat and although full of grief, somehow held on to their dignity and Jim even spoke for ten minutes without a note in his hand!

I still think that William Blake's, "Jerusalem", is one of the best hymns ever written and one of the most moving.

We walked home down the King's Road and the rain started. It hasn't stopped for three days now! Even the heaven's are sad at the loss of such a dear friend.

Yesterday AC took me to an exhibition at The Barbican. Thirty years of Japanese Fashion.

A beautifully executed history of designs by Issey Miyake, Rei Kawakubo and Yohji Yamamoto.

On our way home we walked down Conduit Street and dropped into Issey Miyake's beautiful shop. His designs are still ground-breaking and I long to own one of his overcoats.

Lunch at a fabulous Italian (!!!!!) restaurant in Soho, Boca de Lupo. Why on earth can't all Italian restaurants provide such a menu? Unusual recipes and hardly any of the rubbish that our local restaurants in Tuscany serve for the tourists. Must learn how to make Espresso Zabaglione!!! Bang went the diet but we did walk home in the rain!!!!

Today I have my Little Boy for the day. James and Lisa are dropping Jude off to his Nona and Babu for a little hard earned R and R. I expect they will just go home and sleep as they both sound totally worn out.

Tomorrow lunch for the family and for AC's parents. Better go have my bath and then to Waitrose! How life goes on.

SLEEP WELL DEAR GIRL